What A Pathetic Mess
by JoongStarr
Summary: Sasori is caught doing something that could damage his life forever. Will Deidara be able to help or make a total mess? SasoDei R


**A/N : I do not own Naruto Shippuuden. I wish I did! Then … Sasori danna would still be alive. **

**Joong : Happy Reading! **

**Deidara : It'll be a bang, un!**

**Sasori : -rolls eyes- Stop acting like little brats you two.**

**Joong/Deidara : Hai danna (un)!**

* * *

Sasori sat in the tub thinking about him and his partner's earlier mission. It was tough and they had gotten hurt. It wasn't easy and that was okay but to think it was because of this stupid human form really began to piss him off. He should have never died. No, scratch that. He should have never fallen in love with Deidara so much that he would prepare a stupid jutsu just for that case. Now, he's stuck with layers of muscles, flesh, organs, cells, veins, arteries and whatever else comes with the human body that he can't even work with properly. The ex-puppet looked out the window forgetting about the water flowing over the tub and onto the cold tiles. The moon shone above him and the wind played in his hair cooling his skin. Closing his eyes he felt trickles of water crawling down his cheeks and making their way to the corners of his mouth. Realizing they were tears he gave himself a mental slap and roughly swiped them away. 

"I'm a failure." Sasori said to himself. Once he opened his eyes all he could see was the double edged blade resting in the soap dish. He forgot he even placed it there moments before he got in the tub. Frowning slightly to him self, the red head grabbed the blade pressing it against his all too perfect skin. Sasori felt a painfully numbing sensation and dared not to blink. Not even once. Maybe by blinking it would cause him to miss what was coming next. It had been such a long time since he's seen his own blood anyway. 

"Because I'm a pathetic mess." Just like the time that old hag and that hard ass girl beat him at his own game. Suddenly, he wished he was immortal again so that he could track them down and make more puppets. Keyword: wish. They would definitely be able to kill him now just like before.

Seeing his blood spill in the water and clot on his arm made him feel sickeningly happy. It made him remember that he was human, which was bad. But it made him numb. It made him almost forget about his death in the Sand Village and the earlier mission today. He almost got Deidara killed because he couldn't summon his puppets fast enough. His nerves got in the way and that's when their entire plan fell apart. Every little detail that they spent hours over, perfecting any flaws and openings went to waste. Sasori leaned to the side letting his cheek rest against the cool rim of the tub. By now, the water had spilled into the next room and he could clearly hear his lover banging on the door to let him in at that very moment. But he didn't feel like answering so he went back into his thoughts and fell asleep with the blood leaking down the tub. 

Deidara finally got fed up, too worried to even care about privacy and barged in breaking the hedges. The blonde's breath caught in his throat and his head hurt as he saw Sasori bleeding and the water running against his feet. Everything seemed to be closing in on him and Sasori. He must have been dreaming. The man he knew was too level headed to do something so sad and stupid. Once he was able to catch his breath he let out a scream and ran up to the tub. The puppet master's body felt limb and feeble in his arms. Deidara pulled him out and wrapped him in a towel checking his pulse before holding him close to his chest. "Danna … why did … you do that, un?" Deidara cried in the red head's hair and pressed on the wounds not caring about the water until the hot ran out suddenly demanding his attention. With Sasori still in his arms he quickly shut off the water, grabbed their first aid kit, and laid him on the bed. 

Drying his body, his heart still pounding with the thought of Sasori's physical and mental health, he cleaned and wrapped the wounds tightly. Shaking Sasori petite a few times the smaller man began to stir and open his eyes. He promised himself to be strong for his Danna now so he wouldn't cry. He told him self that when Sasori woke up fully he would yell and punch him in the face for being self fish and too careless. He would … Deidara began to cry. He chastised himself of course but let the tears flow. Feeling a hand come up and hold on to his he snatched it away and slapped the red head in the face. That part of the promise he would keep. Nobody he loves worries him and gets away with it.

Sasori glared sharply, looking hurt for a moment and quickly reverted to being angry at Deidara. "What was that for?" 

Deidara gaped unbelievably before shouting back, "Y-You hurt yourself on purpose** that's **what thatwas for baka, un!"

Sasori averted his gaze and stared at the clock across their bedroom. The clock read nine p.m. It was getting late. "No, I mean … why … did you save me brat? What was that for?" Before his knew it he felt a sharp sting on his face. Deidara had slapped him again but it was harder than the last time. He could only turn and face his lover. He couldn't open his mouth to yell at him or raise his hand to hit him back. He was too shocked over the fact that Deidara had actually mustered up the courage to hit him. It was like his insides had twisted around themselves and all he had to say had flown out the door. 

Deidara couldn't take it any more. He felt bad for slapping him but didn't want to admit it. Sasori deserved everything, even those hits. Deidara grabbed the other's injured arm and looked at the blood seeping through. Running his fingers over the wounds he replied as clearly as possible with a wet voice. "I … What you did to hurt yourself, un. It hurt me too, un. I … um when I saw you like that I didn't know what to do, un." Blue eyes stared up to make sure the other was paying attention. Obviously, he was. "I was so scared, un. I knew you were upset about today and losing your form but I would have never thought it was like this, un. Was it so bad that you needed to do this to yourself, un?" Then a thought hit. "Are you okay, un?"

Sasori just stared back and studied his blonde locks. He honestly didn't have a clue as to whether he was okay or not but something told him to tell Deidara everything on his mind so that he **can **be okay tonight. He could tell him about his parent's death because that was still bothering him too. He could tell him about his death, his new body, the mission but instead he leaned forward and hugged him. 

Deidara cried in his shoulder and Sasori actually cried too. They both stayed that way for a long time and for the first time in years Sasori was the one being held. He was the one being comforted and crying on the shoulder. He felt vulnerable and sick but he loved being held by Deidara and breathing in his sent. Deidara wouldn't let go of him, he slapped him to his senses, and he didn't let him die. Just then, Sasori decided, he didn't want to die. 

Deidara whispered in the smaller man's ear as the other coughed from so much crying, "You're perfect, un. Please don't destroy yourself, un."

"I'm not. I died."

"Well you're back."

"I let them kill me."

"You wanted to be with your parents."

"I failed the mission."

"**We **failed the mission."

"I almost got you killed."

"No, you didn't."

"But I choked up. I froze and couldn't move fast enough so you almost died."

"Sasori look. You're new to your body, un. How long has it been since you've felt every emotion, un?"

"A few years."

"And how long has it been since you've moved in a real body, un?"

"A few years."

"That's my point, so it's okay for you to freeze up sometimes, un."

Sasori pulled back from their hold and averted his gaze to the sheets. "Deidara …"

"Baby, listen to me, un."

Sasori wiped his eyes for good measure and felt his cheeks get hot. He was still vulnerable. 

"You're **okay, un. **Hey, we're going to make a couple's plan, okay un?"

This made Sasori roll his eyes for the twentieth time that day. A "couple's plan" sounded really stupid in his book. Still, he managed to crack a smile. He was feeling better already. 

Deidara pouted slightly before saying, "Just give it a try, un. Stay here I'll be back, un!" Deidara did a once over at his lover's arm and shot him a glance. "Don't do anything that'll make me worry okay Danna, un?" When Sasori nodded his head he left. 

Moments later, Deidara came back with a medium framed poster board and at the top in big red letter it said: **SD: 10 Ways to Communicate. **

Sasori approved the title thanking whatever higher being that was currently inhabiting the heavens that it didn't say something dumb or childish. 

"Go ahead. Read it, un"

Sasori looked at the neatly written script blinking his eyes.

**SD: 10 Ways to Communicate**

_Leave a letter or slip a note._

_Make a signal to let the other know something's wrong._

_If you want to cry say, "I need to cry, un."_

_Go into a private space so we can talk about **anything **that's bothering you. _

_Set up a plan to spend time together to talk or just have fun._

_If you think something is wrong, ask._

_Write a letter saying how much you appreciate him, asking them what's wrong, or telling him it's okay. _

_Don't do anything to hurt yourself; remember that I love you._

_We're never too busy for each other._

_Make promises to never hide anything unless it's embarrassing or not really important at all._

Sasori felt arms behind around him from behind and leaned into them. He had been too busy reading to realize Deidara had already sat down. "It's good … sound's like a good plan to me."

Deidara sighed, "Are you going to follow it, un?"

"Yeah, and baby … I'm sorry."

Deidara felt himself get emotional again but tried to push it back not wanting break their happy moment. "It's … it's um … it's okay. Just don't do it again, okay, un? You scared me back there."

Sasori felt Deidara staring at his bandages and turned the other's chin away. "Stop looking at that Deidara because I'm fine."

"It's going to scar up, un."

"I know." Sasori pulled him into a kiss and was glad that he didn't die or Deidara didn't freak out and end their relationship. It was all too good to throw away or mess up feeling his partner's lips crushing against his and the sensations flowing through his body. He may not be a complete work of art in his standards but he is to Deidara's and that's all that matters now. Dying by the hands of his grandmother and the pink haired girl didn't matter anymore. In a way, it would be appropriate to thank them because if it was for them; he would have never been turned to a human again and been able to feel Deidara and feel what love true love is like. Besides feeling guilty and childish for what he did in the bathroom he was okay. Needless to say, Deidara was always conveniently with him in the bathroom. 

**OWARI**

**Yes, yes, yes I know, it wasn't THAT great. But I loved it! Plus I didn't have much inspiration to write this anyway. But this is now my second self abuse fanfic which I think I'm pretty good at writing being a self harmer myself so I was able to incorporate my experiences and feelings into the fiction making it personal in a weird way. Blah, blah, blah I know you're tired of my yapping so I'm going to stop after this. **

**What kind of self abuse topic should I write about next?**

**Anyhell, review please I really want to know what you think!**

**Laters … JoongStarr**


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